If you're one of those people who believe what people you've never met say to you over the internet, then you'll think that one of the following descriptions is my bio

I live in Manhattan with wife and two kids, ages 2 and 5 (doh! and late-twenties-ish). I'm originally from Washington State, not far from Cheesy's country. In my spare time (yeah, right!) I like to listen to music on overpriced stereo equipment, take bad photographs and blow myself up repeatedly with a bunch of slackers and head cases I met over the internet. Mostly, though, I spend my time working at an "international" law firm doing cross-border project finance deals (Translation: I work up to 125 hours a week fixing typographical errors in documents no one will ever read and arguing with people who don't understand English.) The attached picture is me with my second that I took a month or two after he was born.

I'm an autistic hermit. I live in a Brooklyn basement apartment, supported by my federal disability checks. My only contact with the outside world is over a computer I lifted from the art student who lives upstairs, and the delivery guy from the corner grocery store. I sleep all day; at night I worry about various conspiracies and imagine myself crushing peoples' heads. This picture is one I took of myself with an obese rat that I've recently been using to conduct various pointless experiments involving aluminum foil and random high-voltage circuits in the back of my monitor.